By Steve Henson
The Ten Commandments
I've had this for several years now. It was given to me when I had VMS System Management by the instructor. It's dated Sept. 12, 1983 and came from a DEC 20 person. Steve
I am the LORD your VAX who brought you out of the land of IBM, out of the land of slavery. 1. You shall have no other computer before me. 2. You shall not make for yourself a false operating system in the form of anything in Berkely, Boston, or Silicon Valley. You shall not bow down or worship fals operating systems; for I the LORD your VAX am a jealous computer, punishing programmers to the third and fourth generations for the sins of the first. 3. You shal not misuse the name of the LORD your VAX, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless for violation of copyright. 4. Observe the P. M. day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your VAX has commanded you. six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a P. M. to the LORD your VAX. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your co-workers, nor your employees, nor your disks, nor your printers, or any of your peripherals, nor the visitor at your installation. Remember that you were slaves to IBM, and the LORD your VAX brought you out of there with a mighty CPU and an outstretched terminal line. Therefore the LORD your VAX has commanded you to observe the P. M. day. 5. Honor your disk quota and base priority, as the LORD your VAX has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the environment the LORD your VAX is giving you. 6. You shall not kill someone else's processes. 7. You shall not mung other people's files. 8. You shall not steal password, software, or data. 9. You shall not send false mail messages about other users. 10. You shall not covet other user's privileges. You shall not set your desire on their disk quotas, base priority, or other system resources.
VAX/VMS Genesis Reference Manual
May 1993This manual describes as parody how a VAX should bootstrap.
Revision/Update Information: This is a new manual. Software Version: VMS version 5.0 and later
At the very beginning, there was really nothing (except space). A short time later, some possibly useful physical rules were found. Those rules took a long time to grow and complete verification error-free, and finally, led to the scientific divisions of electronics and computers. (This first day ended happy because of lack of serious problems) At the beginning of the next day, a large green flat board appeared. A long time later, some black multi-footed boxes appeared above that board. Then, not so long a time later, some connections between these feet were made. (This was the second day - the day where the hardware problems began) Then, another millenia of milliseconds later, chaos was introduced and the wired black boxes decided to use electricity and start working. The largest box called itself CPU and initialized the other boxes. Henceforth it used a small box labeled 4.77 MHz to get a sense of time and some other small boxes called ROM to load its ability to think from. (Obviously, those ROM's didn't know of their importance.) (This third day saw the creation of firmware and system bugs.) After becoming aware of itself, the CPU searched for VMB.EXE to be able to use those masses of small useless 'RAM' boxes around. After loading and executing VMB, the CPU developed the knowledge of memory, but (who expected anything else ?) had no use for it. Millions of system ticks later, the CPU found a module called SYSBOOT.EXE, residing on a very slow object called 'boot device' and loaded it. (This fourth day became the day of bootstrap problems) When executing this curious SYSBOOT, there was the need to load many other programs from this slow object and to fill the formerly useless memory with more or less useful data and programs (or only modules ?). The first one was SYS.EXE that looked, in the eyes of the CPU, somehow useful. The second one was RMS.EXE that was very huge and looked totally unusable, but (surprised CPU interrupt) when using this large beast, the slow object called boot device looked much better structured and useful. The third one called itself SYSLICENSE.EXE and (by the force of the producer) thought it was the most essential module and it would be able to decide whatever program might run or not. (This guess was wrong as producers force lost power in the distance.) After loading all those modules, the CPU looked around in search of other green boards and devices, thinking "Is there nothing else ? Is this really all ?", and found some additional more or less slow devices. Then, using the knowledge of SYS.EXE, it loaded some drivers and started to talk to those devices in the hope of answers, but most of the time, the CPU just waited for the line noise. Strangely, sometimes, those devices answered to very old questions. (This fifth day finished with the knowledge of advanced bootstrap problems) This days first decision was to power up another black and huge box and turn memory into virtual mode (where no bit had gone back before). Then, the CPU got lost in all this empty memory areas and summoned some processes (so chaos could come and start its work). First, the Scheduler - to check and control all the others, unfortunately itself not visible as process. Second, the Null process - something that is always able to use CPU cycles, but totally useless (and because of that sometimes invisible). Third, the Swapper - to keep usage of the remaining memory low, exspecially for later processes (ever swapped the swapper out ?). Then, SYSINIT appeared and added some more modules to memory - DCL.EXE that looked like a module whose only sense is to wait, F11XQP that tried to use the very early on loaded RMS more effectively, SDA.EXE, an essential programm ("Damn! Another screwdriver lost..."), DEBUGSHR.EXE, a module to control another one, how confusing, and many other modules, each of lesser usefulness. Finally, STARTUP.COM was loaded and began to test the waiting module DCL, adding a process CONFIGURE to allow highly secure system configurations, adding a process IPCACP to allow the producer (and noone else) some communication between different processes, adding a process ERRFMT to display all the errors in a pretty format, adding some xxx_SERVER processes to cache useless data packages, adding a process OPCOM to log errors and messages to the sysop, adding a process AUDIT_SERVER to guarantee the correct logging of the OPCOM and perform a secure (never stoppable ?) logfile handling, adding a process JBC_CONTROL to create user (*shiver*) processes, adding a process QUEUE_MANAGER to emulate printer queues that never work, adding a process SMISERVER that should communicate with other CPU's around ("... and seek out new operating systems"), adding several processes called xyzACP to support strange protocols ("In memory, every protocol is a correct protocol" from one Processor to another) like DECnet, LAST, LAT and TCP/IP. adding several user (*iiiieks* again) dependant processes to slow down every useful work the CPU had. (This sixth day saw system installation and software problems - the nemesis) On the seventh day (the day of SUN systems) the (DIGITAL) CPU decided to rest. This good idea (the NULL process needs testing) was disturbed by many user processes that started to do nothing worthwhile except allocating too much resources. Then some lonely users (in front of their processes) tried to solve some very small (human) problems in a very slow (again human) manner, programming some small and useless packages. Following the rule of humans erraneous thoughts, those programs were never bug-free or fully operational. The more logic variant was a programming bug that messed up all ressources and brought down the six day work of system bootstrap within a second. (This feature is solvable by debugging in white text on black background) Some more sophisticated user processes might move to kernel mode - and loose self control and memory management there - so everything got lost in the vast of endless dark addressing space. (Here it is possible that even a debugger has no chance) Another nice possibility is the AUDIT_SERVER, detecting a full system disk (that happens sometimes), and stopping every work yelling "Gimme Disk Space!". (This stops everything before a debugger can intervene) After testing all these features, the CPU disappeared in a orange cloud of logic - leaving all the bit patterns behind. (This day returned the CPU to day ZERO - where everything began)
Some ideas taken from Ruth E. Goldenbergs "Internals and Data Structures" - I hope I have taken real procedings in account as much as is necessary. Special thanks to Frank 'ComRam' Kargl and his uncountable questions, Petra 'stargazer' Zeidler for all the spell checking. Written 1993 by Bernd 'Uranus' Onasch, VAXman i.R.
There's a company in England (don't know the name) that started selling a vacuum cleaner called VAX years before DEC built the computer. They gave DEC permission to call their computer VAX. There hadn't been any problems until the English company started selling their VAX in the U.S. Apologies if you've seen this; I got it from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. Sue him..VNS TECHNOLOGY WATCH
Mike Taylor, VNS Correspondent
Nashua, NH, USAVAX sucks. Don't gasp and assume we're committing libel. It's true. Even its manufacturer will agree. What we're talking about here is the VAX vacuum cleaner, a British machine that Sears began marketing this year. The introduction of the vacuum with the same name as a rather well-known line of Digital Equipment computers has created a malestrom of confusion among piles of programmers who are less than bright and don't know a suction hose from a dirtbag. "I just don't think it's right," said I.M.A. Weenie, manager of information services for the Institute for the Study of We're Not Quite Sure What at Pork Barrel University in Pentagon, N.D. "We spent three weeks trying to boot Ultrix 3.1 on the Sears VAX without any luck at all. Then, when we called the number for software support in the doc kit and asked for a patch tape, they asked, 'What color?' and told us Krazy Glue would probably work as well." Weenie did find one praiseworthy feature: "It runs Donkey Kong better than an Amiga." R.T.F. Immanuel, vice president of information services at the investment firm of Crosby, Stills, Nash and (sometimes) Young, said his company finds the Sears VAX far superior to the DEC product. "The VAXstation we were using just never got dirt out of those hard-to-reach corners and folds in the upholstery," he said. How did this confusing situation come to pass? According to DEC spokeswoman Nikki Richardson, when DEC trademarked the VAX name prior to introducing that line in 1977, it was with the full knowledge that the British firm VAX Appliances had been using the name for several years. The two companies reached an agreement that allowed DEC to use the name for computers and the British firm to continue using the name for household appliances. Because the VAX vacuum cleaner had not been distributed in the United States, the two firms never clashed. Until now. But DEC takes a game view of the situation. "We felt there was no likelihood of confusion with the appliances," said Richardson, reading from a statement prepared by company attorneys. We asked Sears to supply specifications of the vacuum cleaner on the grounds that our readers are highly concerned with such issues as price/performance, processor speed, scalability, availability of applications and whether or not the machine has a flat-topped display you can rest a beer on. UT: What operating system does your VAX run? Sears: Operating system? UT: (quoting from the well-thumbed newsroom copy of 'Computers Explained For People With Extremely Tiny Brains'): "An operating system is the software that manages the computer hardware. Its development represented a giant step forward from the cumbersome binary I/O of the early ..." Sears: All you've got to do is plug the thing in and go. UT: (remembering something some marketing guy said once): Why, that would make your product... that would make it "plug and play." Sears: Yeah, you can just plug it in to any standard wall socket, and after that, you just turn it on. UT: (typing): "... compliant with all relevant standards... features include high user-friendliness..." What is the processor speed? Sears: Funny you should ask that. We have one at home, and we have a really big living room, and the other day my son had a party for his friends and the band he's in, Humongous Jet Flying Low Over Your House, and the Missus got the whole room clean in a half-hour with the VAX. It even sucked up those little parts that accidentally came off the dog. UT: (typing): "high...processor...speed...and...power..." Sears: And during the party, one of my son's friends dropped the VAX out the window, but the darn thing worked the next day! UT: "...robust..." Sears: It's very light. I'm not sure exactly how much it weighs, because we couldn't really get it to stay balanced on the bathroom scale. UT: "...though the VAX has limited scalability..." Sears: And it costs less than any one like it around! UT: "...offers a favorable price/performance point to any comparable machine of its class..." Meanwhile, in a move DEC says is totally unrelated to the VAX vs. VAX issue, the company announced last week that it is renaming its product lines. PDP computers still in circulation will henceforth be known as "Kenmore Side-by-Side Refigerator/Freezers." The DECstation line will be renamed "Sanyo Color TV With Full Remote Control." And all VAX computers and VAXstations will be recalled, so the following warning can be applied: "Do not use on delicate drapes and fabrics." {Unix Today!, 16-Oct-1989, p47} {contributed by Steve Lionel} New VAX Reseller Sears Expects To Clean Up With Its Latest Offering
{Unix Today!, 16-Oct-1989, p47}
