Stargazer
by Karen D. Morton
Copyright 1989 by Karen D. Morton. All rights reserved.

Chapter 11
Time Unknown

     As I climbed out of the medical unit, I could not believe my
eyes: Oppenheimer poised over John as if it were ready to tear out
his throat. I wanted to say something to calm the creature, but I
didn't have the words.
     "Let's be reasonable about this," John said.
     "I want to know why there are gaps in my memory,"
Oppenheimer said between growls.
     "There must be a reasonable explanation for your missing
'memories.'"  I reached out to it. "Please, don't hurt him."
     Oppenheimer lay down in front of me.  "You have no idea
what it's like to have pieces of yourself missing.  He has tampered
with my mind -- and the Conveyance's supporting data.  Your
'crystal' was in there.  So was his previous trip to 1987 Knoxville.  I
didn't know a paradox was coming until the hardware override
kicked in."
     "You didn't tell me the anti-paradox circuit had an EPROM
for times and places until I had been recalled."
     "You mean that you knew I could be deserted?"  My cheeks
burned. What if the next open time slot hadn't been for twenty
years? Judith and her friends couldn't keep me for that long!
     "I'm saying I didn't know," John replied. "If I had, we never
would have gone there. I realize your stay in Knoxville wasn't easy,
but everything turned out all right. Please, Carolyn, forgive me. I
made a mistake."
     "I suspect you've made a lot of mistakes, but that is not
pertinent to our current predicament," said Oppenheimer. 
"Greistolon, what was in the erased entries?"
     "I had a reason for erasing those entries, and I'm not going
to go into them now."
     "You'd better tell him,"  I said.
     "For once, you should listen the primitive. Because if you
don't start talking, I am going to do something that you will long
regret." Oppenheimer bared its teeth. "I would rather not inflict pain
on you in front of her, but if that is what it takes --"
     "All right! I get your message." John retreated to a far wall.
"I can tell you what was in some of the entries, but not everything."
     "If you didn't know what information those entries
contained, then why in Heaven's name did you erase them?"  Now I
felt really confused.
     "I had a compelling reason. After Nicholas died, the original
companion wanted to take me back to prison."  John's eyes filled
with tears. "I can't survive that kind of loneliness again."
     "Prison?"
     "Carolyn, don't jump to conclusions. I've never committed a
crime of violence against anyone. But Nicholas found me in
isolation."
     "And My predecessor wanted to take you back to your point
of origin."  Oppenheimer thumped its tail on the floor.  "So you
killed him and grew me. Minus your incriminating data."
     "It was the only way I could keep my freedom."
     "Did you make any kind of backup for those entries?"
     John shook his head. "I did, but I got rid of them later, when
you started looking through every storage space on board."
     "That was stupid!  We no longer have any references to
'Lovolus,' including its coordinates." Oppenheimer sat on its
haunches.
     John replied, "We need to find a navigational computer from
this time period.  Surely someone has catalogued --"
     "That will only work if the planet has been catalogued under
the name 'Lovolus.' You should know by now that planetary names
depend on who makes the entries."
     "Ask Kenny," said Oliva in my head.
     She had a point. Since Minnelkin had left her on the planet,
surely he would know its location. I looked up at John. "I think
Minnelkin might know."
     "I have had more than enough encounters with Minnelkin,
thank you. He is a madman!  He keeps attacking me, and he tried to
kill your friend."
     "But he didn't! Besides, who are you to talk about his
criminal activities? You just admitted that you went to prison!"
     John sighed.  "I was a political prisoner, Carolyn."  He
explained that his family served as historians for the ruling families
of Tolis, who were chosen by a planet-wide election.  The Crown
passed from generation to generation until the people called for an
election or the ruling family had no heirs.  John's King fought
opposition from another political party, and he rightly feared they
had grounds to call an election.  He wanted John to alter official
historical records.
     John's refusal earned him banishment:  He was left alone on a
small island in the extreme southern latitudes of a colony planet. 
Even though he had supplies and shelter, his health grew poorer
every day.  An Arctic winter drained him of his remaining vigor. By
summer, John was nearly dead.  He coped with his unbearable
loneliness by talking to himself.  During one twilight that passed for
"night" in summer, someone answered back.
     Nicholas never revealed his reason for coming to those
islands, but that didn't matter to John.  After correcting his
nutritional deficiency (the supplies left by the King caused an inert
matter to build up and thus slowly starve him to death), Nicholas
asked John to travel with him.  They went first to the Triangle on
Shegulla, where they traded for needed parts for the Conveyance. 
Nicholas didn't dare contact his home world for help, lest they find
out about his impending death.  He wanted to die as he had lived.
     After visiting other places, Nicholas and John stopped in
1987 Knoxville, where they toured the area for twenty-two days. 
Nicholas died soon after they left.  Oppenheimer's predecessor
wanted to take John back to his "point of origin."  John tried to
explain how prison had nearly killed him.  The companion would not
listen.  In a desperate struggle for control of the Conveyance, John
accidentally broke the companion's neck.  Immediately, the
Conveyance began to grow a replacement, and John realized that it
would also want to take him back.
     "That's when I wiped those entries.  I didn't really pay
attention to what was on them.  I just wanted to make sure the new
companion wouldn't try to return me to that island."
     "I apologize for misjudging you."  I bowed my head.  "But I
still think Minnelkin might know about Lovolus."
     "Even if he did, how could we possibly find him?"
     "Judith took him to the hospital.  Maybe he told her where
he was going."
     "Where does this 'Judith' live?"  Oppenheimer asked.  I told
him her address.  "I've set the time coordinates for Saturday,
November 14, 1987, at 9 a.m.  You'll have about three hours."
"Reprogram my translator's secondary language for Universal," John
said to Oppenheimer.  He went into the library.

1987
     John later met me in the entrance hall.  Its left wall was
blank, and the right led to Judith's rec room.  When we entered,
woodsmoke stung my nostrils.  Partially finished costumes covered 
Paul's sewing table.  A senseless cartoon played on the television,
which had the volume turned down.  I could hear Judith in the living
room.
     "No, there wasn't any reason for y'all to miss the convention,
too.  Yes, he's okay.  No, he hasn't done anything, Paul.  Stop
worrying.  I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.  'Bye."
     Minnelkin lay on the couch.  His chest was bare, except for a
bandage that covered his right shoulder.  His arm rested in a sling. 
A blanket covered him to the waist.  Judith knelt beside him to pick
up a tray from the floor.
     He tugged her hair with his left hand.  "Your friends not
trust me?"
     "Of course not, and I don't blame them. I know Marty --
Paul doesn't believe my story about how your blood got on my
carpet."
     "Why lie then?"
     Judith sighed with exasperation. "Because they wouldn't
have believed the truth any more than I believed Carolyn's story.
And they wouldn't sure as hell wouldn't have left me alone with you
if they knew about that stunt you pulled with my butcher knife. But,
mostly, I guess I don't want them to know just how crazy I really
am." She stood. "When are you going back to your space ship,
anyway?"
     He paused before answering.  "I cannot.  Lose --"
     "Your 'code key,' I know. I'm the one who tried to find it,
remember? Well, since Carolyn has gone, that couch is available for
as long as you need it. Who knows? If we wait long enough, maybe
somebody will make a chip we can use to create another key. Then,
buddy, you owe me trip to the stars!"
     No matter what happened, Judith would never lose her cock-
eyed view of the world. I laughed in spite of myself.
     "What the --" She dropped her tray. "Jesus Christ! Don't you
have any better manners than to sneak up on somebody?"
     "We're terribly sorry." John walked past her to the couch.
"Tell me about Lovolus."
     "Hey, go piss up a rope," Judith said. "I want you out of my
house instantly! You too, Miss Cooper. And if you take laughing
boy with you, then maybe I can get on with my life."
     John ignored her and repeated his question to Minnelkin.
     I picked up the mess.  "Judith, I'm sorry we came back like
this."
     "Minnelkin has been babbling about this 'Lovolus' for days.
Exactly what is it, or shouldn't I ask?"  Judith took the tray from me.
     "It's where my ring came from.  Something is happening to
me. All these voices constantly speak in my head."  I breathed
slowly to calm myself.  "On Thursday, when I touched your mind,
well, you saw those people in my head."
     "This is too much," she said. "I didn't see Jack Shit."
     "Judith, you can't deny --"
     "You touched her mind?"  Minnelkin's pain forced him to lie
back again.  He muttered something; the only word I could hear was
"advanced."
     John turned on him.  "What has advanced?"
     It took an extra long time for Minnelkin to answer.  "You
gave her that -- how do you say -- 'ring,' and you not know what
it..."
     "I didn't give it to her! I wish she'd never had never found it."
John looked miserable. "She put it on... And now, it's causing her a
great deal of distress. We have to get it off."
     "Like Oliva." Minnelkin looked like he was about to cry.
     "Hey, I wanted to cut that stupid ring off her weeks ago, but
she wouldn't let me." Judith folded her arms. "That sucker has
grown to her finger. Is it some kind of parasite?"
     "Yes!" Minnelkin pointed at John. He gasped for breath,
more in anger than in pain.  "You trade that -- that crystal to Oliva.
Nicholas not tell us what it do when he, uh, take it back. And now
Oliva -- She --"  He said something in his strange language. Puzzled,
John replied in the same. This went on for about a minute, then John
turned away. His face was quite pale.
     "Judith, you are right." Minnelkin paused, as usual, before he
continued.  "That ring is a... It live off people who wear it. They call
it 'the complexity.'  At first, person who wear it is, is very happy. 
Then she...  Remember things that not happen. Dreams. Feelings."
     "That figures." Judith narrowed her eyes at me.  "And I
come in second once again."  Her words pierced through my soul. 
Before I could reply, she took the tray into the kitchen.
     "You don't understand."  I put my hands on her shoulders.
     "The hell I don't!"  She stepped away from me.  "That ring
'possessed' you."
     "Please don't be angry at me.  I love you as my friend."
     "Oh yeah? I couldn't tell by the way you left me to take care
of your pitiful boyfriend."
     "Minnelkin is not my -- Look, I shouldn't have left without
saying goodbye.  I'm sorry."
     She grabbed my shoulders.  "You got under my skin,
Carolyn, and that isn't going away just because your libido was
dictated by some alien life form!"
     "Judith, I can understand your anger."  John walked into the
kitchen.  "But I don't think you're being fair to Carolyn.  She never
needed the complexity to feel friendship for someone."
     "And how do you know that?"  Her voice carried a taunting
tone.  Slowly, she approached him while her hands curled into fists. 
"Nobody asked you to stick your long wong into this conversation!"
     John caught her fist before it reached his mouth.  "Control
your anger, and your tongue.  Carolyn needs you."  He went to the
rec room before she could answer.
     Frustrated, she slammed her fists on the counter top. "Yeah,
and I'm supposed to just drop everything and go off to some
unknown place in Outer Space, just like they do in the movies. I'm
sorry, Carolyn, but I've got to do a serious reality check. And that
means you three clear out of here and never come back.
Understand?"
     "We'll go, Judith, but not while you're angry." I laid my
hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
     "I'm a big girl. I'll get over it." She shrugged away from me.
"I always do."
     "Someone -- Help --"  Minnelkin leaned against the
doorway.  I helped him walk to the couch in the rec room.  He
managed to smile between grimaces of pain.  "When you go, I feel
sad. Why do you always leave before I have a chance to explain?"
     Judith leaned into the room from the kitchen doorway.
     "You could follow us in your ship," I suggested. "Like you
have before."
     "I want to follow you, but I can't."  He gestured helplessly. 
"I must have my, my 'code key,' as Judith says, to get into ship. 
Greistolon send us to ship in his Conveyance.  Then he will come up
in the, uh, how do you say -- ?"
     "Shuttlecraft?" With her eyes rolled toward heaven, Judith
added, "Why am I letting myself get sucked into this?"
     Minnelkin smiled at her. "Because you want to go to 'Outer
Space.' Like in 'movies.'"
     "Don't you start." She shook her finger at him.
     "Carolyn, please... Tell Greistolon... I ask the complexity for
information." In his broken English, he explained that the
complexity's hold increased as it implanted knowledge and
experience into my brain. Therefore, information would have to
come from the larger section (the crystal), which linked itself to me
through the ring. The only problem was that the crystal became
active only when a host was nearby.
     "But wouldn't the crystal just stick its knowledge into her
brain when you scanned it?" Judith asked. "If this really is a grade B
movie, let's get pseudo-science right. This thing ought to give her
the keys to the Universe. Maybe ask John to go looking for a blue
police box. The guy driving it is an expert on everything, especially
parasite removal."
     "You not understand," said Minnelkin.
     "She understands, all right," I replied. "I believe that she is
being sarcastic. But, if you do communicate with the crystal, might
it not increase its hold on me?"
     Minnelkin replied, "I find a way around that."
     John emerged from the wall.  "The Conveyance has been
reprogrammed to accept you both."  He took Minnelkin into the
Conveyance.
     "Let's go."  I took Judith's hand.
     "Wait a minute. I was serious back there.  I have a house, a
job, and two room mates.  I can't go running around the Universe at
the drop of a hat."
     "Judith!"
     "Look here, Carolyn!"  Her face grew redder with every
word.  "I have had quite enough of you, Long Wong over there, and
Minnelkin! I'm not going."
     "That will be quite enough!"  John took my arm.  "No one is
forcing you to go anywhere.  Come on, Carolyn."
     "But, I want Judith to go with me."
     "We don't have time to convince her."  John looked at
Minnelkin, who nodded.
     Judith glared at us.  "Oh, I see.  Let's start playing on my
guilt complex. Not this time!"
     "Fine. Let's go." John helped Minnelkin into the Conveyance.
     "Nice special effect," Judith said. "Okay, Carolyn, run along
now, and play nice with your boyfriends. I've got a life to piece
together."
     Feeling numb, I stepped into the Conveyance.
     Oppenheimer stood in the entrance hall. "What's the matter?
You look as if you have lost your best friend."
     Looking back into Judith's rec room, I replied, "I have. She
would really like to come with us, but she's too angry right now."
     "Can you blame her?" Before I could reply, the monkey dog
padded into the house, with me close behind. "Stay put. I'll talk to
your friend." He continued into the kitchen. A few seconds later,
dishes crashed onto the floor.
     "What the hell are you?" Judith asked.
     "I am the companion of the Conveyance. Codename:
Oppenheimer. And I'm asking you to come with us. Do not query
for an explanation, except to say that your remaining here could
change the outcome of history."
     "Sure, sure, Poochie. I'll get elected President, cure cancer
and change the world, too, right? Or am I just going to be
somebody's mother?"
     "You are Judith Wilcox, and you are needed. How can you
refuse?"
     "Are you trying to tell me that my coming along is
that important to Carolyn? She's got John and Minnelkin pining over
her. She doesn't need me, too."
     "As much as I may like Carolyn, this isn't simply a personal
request!" The monkey dog growled. "I do not use the word
'important' lightly."
     After a long pause, she said, "Oh, all right. I'll go. Just let me
put some clothes on and lock my doors." She looked at me over her
shoulder. "And write Paul a goddamn note."
     "Hurry. We do not have much time left."
     She also brought some personal items with her.  John made
no comment when he showed her to the spare room, which now
contained two beds.  He then went out to retrieve Minnelkin's
shuttlecraft.  Oppenheimer located the Mephistopheles and moved
the Conveyance while Minnelkin healed inside the medical unit.  It
also ordered the unit to give Minnelkin a new translator. 
Oppenheimer prepared an English module for the Mephistopheles'
computer.
     "Why not just give Judith and me translators like yours?" I
watched Oppenheimer's paws fly over a small box.
     "Because it would take you too long to learn how to use
them.  Minnelkin is already accustomed to using a translator, albeit a
poor 'lookup table' style, so he'll adjust much more quickly.  I'd
better find out what your friend is up to."  It returned a few minutes
later with Judith in tow.
     "So, then you are the controller."  She glanced around the
control room.  "I never thought a brain could be effectively used for
repetitive control."
     "Controlling the Conveyance is far from repetitive, I assure
you. My race finds us to be good companions as well,"
Oppenheimer replied.  "You catch on quickly for a primitive."
     "Gee, thanks, Mr. Cleaver!"  Judith peered around the wall
at the library.  "What's this?"
     "Just a chair for an 'observer' to sit in when he's using his
brain interface.  This room also contains a holographic display for
entertainment or education of passengers who don't have brain
interfaces. Such as you and Carolyn."
     Oppenheimer settled in its control chair.  "If you don't mind,
I need to be alone for now."
     "Sir?"  I felt confused.  The monkey dog had never asked for
privacy before.
     "No problem," Judith replied.  "I'll go unpack."
     "You, too, Carolyn.  It takes extra concentration to contact
the --"  It uttered a multi-syllable word.
     "The what?"
     "Oh, just call them 'my masters.'  They built this Conveyance. 
Nicholas sent them regular reports.  Perhaps one contained some of
my missing data."  Its forehead furrowed.  "Now, leave me be!"
     "Certainly."  I went to the medical unit, a silver hull with a
dull finish.  Paw had not been buried in so nice a coffin as this one. 
Its smooth surface vibrated under my hands.  Within a few moments,
the top opened.  Minnelkin sat up, blushed and covered his groin
with his hands.  I went to a clothing synthesizer to fetch, which I
gave to him through the door.  After being around John and Judith, I
had nearly forgotten how to be modest.
     Minnelkin, Judith and I met in the triangular entrance hall. 
The Mephistopheles occupied the right wall.
     "We are in the main control room."  Although Minnelkin's
English was more polished, he still spoke with a thick accent.  His
mouth also twitched and moved before he spoke.  "Please wait
here."  He took the "English module" cube into his ship.  A few
moments later, he waved us outside.
     Judith looked back.  "I guess Poochie stays in this go
round."
     "Mephistopheles, acknowledge," Minnelkin said.
     "Acknowledging," replied the ship in Minnelkin's voice.
     "Scan my companions and record them as 'guests.'" 
Minnelkin looked over his shoulder at us.  "Hold still."  A few
moments later, he plugged a cube into another reader.  "Landing
clearance for the shuttle," he explained.  This time, his mouth didn't
twitch as much.
     The main control room was nothing like to the "control
room" on the Conveyance.  A group of cabinets with multicolored
panels lined one wall.  In the center sat a chair with a large headband
in its seat.  Judith picked it up.
     "That is my interface," said Minnelkin.  "Please put it down." 
A few more chairs near the panels completed the room.  The air
smelled stale, and dirty clothes had been strewn about.  One of the
panels on a cabinet was opened to reveal twisted cables made of a
clear material.  He pulled a crumpled jumpsuit off the ladder that he
called the "service way."  As he led us down to the next level,
Minnelkin explained that this ship had once been a prisoner
transport.  A separate pod, containing cells for prisoners, was
attached to the underside.  The corridor was as messy as the main
control room had been.  He stopped in his room to change clothes
while we entered his lab.
     A large machine stood in the middle of the room, which was
almost neat. A small metal box mounted on top held a thick cable
that disappeared somewhere inside the machine.  A series of what
Judith called "touch screens" contained words in another language.
     Now wearing a wrinkled but clean jumpsuit, Minnelkin made
adjustments to the machine.
     "You were pretty close to your sister, weren't you?"  Judith
knelt down beside him.
     "She was all the family I had.  Our parents died during a
plague epidemic in our colony."
     My ring sent pain up my arm, so I cut off her next question. 
"Don't be such a busybody!"
     "Well, excuse me for breathing."
     Minnelkin stared at her. "I do not understand why you --"
     John's entrance stifled the remainder of his sentence. 
Minnelkin showed him where to put the crystal.
     "We need to fit this onto your head."  He held up a thick
headband with an attached cable.
     I sat on the chair.  "What is it for?"
     "It will 'interface' you with Mephistopheles, who will keep
your conscious mind busy with an artificial sensorium while we scan
the larger section of the complexity.  The sensorium will prevent the
complexity from sending more information into your brain.  I put in
a second interface so you would not be alone."
     Judith looked dubious. "And that means me, right? Well, it'll
beat watching you two trip over each other. Roll the tongues in
every now and then, boys. Your shirts are getting wet."
     "Can I go home?" I asked Minnelkin.
     "Ugh! Why would you want to go there?"
     "Judith --"
     "Hey, it's your brain. We'll go to the moon if it makes you
happy. But pardon me if I don't develop an instant love for horse
manure."
     Minnelkin said, "Mephistopheles will take information from
your memories.  It will be quite realistic."

1895 (?)
     A few moments later, we stood outside the boarding house. 
An early afternoon sun warmed us, and baby trees in the front yard
displayed their brilliant fall colors.  Not very many people were
stirring about to-day.
     Judith pulled at her collar.  "Man, this is worse than some of
my costumes."  Coal smoke make her cough.
     "I think that grey dress looks lovely on you."  I walked up
the sidewalk to the porch, where Mrs. Fisher sat in the swing.  I
introduced her to Judith, then I sat beside her.  She told me about
parties that had been printed in to-day's society section.  Judith sat
on the railing.
     "I thought y'all might like some lemonade."  Eliza set a tray
on the front porch.
     "Let's take a walk," Judith suggested.
     "I want to show you my room first."  I carried my glass to
my bedroom.  She looked around while I went to the window.  A
girl, not quite matured into womanhood, played with Linda in the
front yard.  Her dark hair was pulled back into a single braid, and
her blue eyes looked up at me.
     "Ruth!"
     "What?"  Judith came to the window.
     "Nothing."  Quickly, I pulled down the shade.
     "Nice vanity."  Judith sat in front of the dressing table.  "No
curling iron and no makeup.  I thought you ladies painted your faces
with paraffin based paints back then -- I mean, now."
     "I wouldn't dream of painting myself up like a harlot."
     "Just as well, seeing as how you don't need it.  Some of this
stuff looks pretty classy."  She picked up my hairbrush.
     "Mother gave that to me for my sixteenth birthday."  Instead
of the telescope Paw had wanted me to have.
     "Did you have a job?"  Judith asked.
     "I was an amanuensis."
     "Whatever that is.  Show me!"
     We said our goodbyes to Eliza and Mrs. Fisher on the way
out.  As a carriage drove by us on Sixth Avenue, Judith held her
nose.  I laughed at her funny expression.  The street car took us to
Prince Street.  When we walked by the livery, Judith gagged.  I gave
her a handkerchief, which she held over her face.  Once inside the
Deadrick Building, she breathed a sigh of relief.  We walked up
three floors to Kellers and Moore.  I unlocked the door, for neither
of my former employers was in.  I showed her my typewriter and
explained the process of copying documents.  She looked at my
stenography pad, frowned at the notation, then poured herself a
glass of water.
     "You were a secretary."  She sat on my desk.  "So's Teri. 
She uses a word processor for originals and a photocopier for
copies, but it's amazing how little offices have changed."
     "I thought women in your time could do anything."
     "Sure they can, as long as they get training and avoid
discrimination.  Any profession that pays worth a damn requires a
college degree, and those are both expensive and labor intensive." 
Judith shrugged.  "If you were looking for utopia, the '80's weren't
it."
     "Actually, I wanted to visit the World's Fair."  Laughing, I
hugged her.  An all too familiar desire seized me; I didn't dare act on
it.  Loving Judith would lead only to frustration and pain.  I tried to
satisfy my urge by touching her face.
     "Watch it.  You can't say it was the ring in here."  She stared
out the window. "I wonder how they're doing with the complexity?" 
I covered her mouth with mine before she could say anything else.
     Judith pushed me back. "I said to cool it! I'm not a saint, you
know."
     "I didn't mean --"
     "And that's the problem, isn't it?" She retreated to the far
side of the room. "You don't mean it, Paul can't mean it... Damn.
You're really a lucky girl, having two hunks like John and Minnelkin
slobbering over you."
     "I wish you would stop saying that! He doesn't mean --"
     "Just for once in your life, girl, open your eyes! He keeps
following you around because he likes you. That just makes him
even madder at John, and at this point, I can't say I blame him."
     Hugging her waist, I lay my had against her back. "Please
forgive me for hurting you."
     Before she could reply, the office door opened.
     Ruth said,  "I told you she would be in here."
     Mother walked past her into the office.  "So, you've found
another whore like yourself. I shouldn't be surprised."
      A wave of guilt washed over me.  "Mother, I --"
     "You never were as good as your sister. Ruth would have
found a man to marry by now, and she would have given me
grandchildren."     
     "Ruth is dead, Mother!"
     "No I'm not, Mama!" Ruth threw her arms around Mother's
waist.
     Mother stroked her hair.  "She is alive in my heart, which is
more than I can say for you.  I was glad when you left!"
     "Zip it up, woman!"  Grabbing my arm, Judith pulled me into
the hallway.  "Something's wrong in Oz, Dorothy.  Let's get the hell
out of here!"  Once we came out of the Deadrick building, she
asked, "What was that all about?"
     "It's something that has bothered me for years. I'd rather not
talk about it."
     "Seeing as how it has invaded Fantasy Island, I don't see
where you have much of a choice. You said that little girl is dead.
What happened?"
     "My sister Ruth died in a fire when I was seven."
     "Do tell all."
     The fire had happened on a cold day in November 1880.  I
had been sick with influenza (nearly everyone else in our apartment
house had already gotten over it).  Paw was working on the railroad,
and Mother went to Ma'am-maw's farm for the day.  Ruth, who was
twelve, stayed behind to care for me.  Eddie, who was four, went
with Mother.  That evening, the kitchen in the apartment downstairs
caught fire.  I was sick with fever, and the smoke choked me so
badly, I couldn't walk.  Ruth gave me our cat Fluffy to hold while
she carried me.  I tried to hold on, but Fluffy jumped out of my
arms.  Ruth took me outside, then she went back in for the cat.
     "She died in there," I added.
     "And you feel guilty for surviving," Judith said.  "You're not
the only person to feel that way.  A lot of my friends who came back
from Vietnam had the same kind of problem."  Her expression
hardened.  "Only in your case, your Mother dumped on you while
she grieved over your 'perfect' sister.  Well, you listen to me,
Carolyn Cooper.  If Ruthie didn't have enough sense to stay out of a
burning building, that was her fault."
     "Ruth was a good child."
     "So what?"
     A shameful flush burned my cheeks.  "Don't you see?  I've
never been 'good.'  Ruth wasn't my only problem when I met John." 
I turned away from Judith's steady gaze.  "I was...  Lonely.  He
made me feel loved, but I couldn't love him back."
     "Somebody else who decided you were 'no good' took
advantage of you, huh?  Maybe it was Mr. Quarrels with the noose
and the 'mysterious bloodstains'?  Honey, you need therapy, not
some dude with a 'magic' ring."
     "But I put it on, Judith."
     "'Don't throw me into that briar patch!'" Her tone taunted
me.  "Ol' John never said, 'Carolyn, stay away from that ring,' did
he? He wanted you to put it on, so he acted all nonchalant and cool
about it. Men love to do that, and we fall for it every time."
     "You can't blame him for this!"
     "Of course I can. But, you mean I shouldn't, and you're
right."  She placed her hands on my shoulders.  "It just pains me to
see somebody suffer for no good reason."
     When she wasn't angry, Judith could be the most caring
person in the world.  I wondered how such a gentle soul could have
become so bitter and sarcastic.  I put my arms around her to ease
her sorrow as much as to ease my own.
     A rumble of thunder interrupted our hug.  We grabbed hands
as the storm hit.  Rain drenched us.  Thunder boomed in my ears. 
Wind whipped at our skirts, nearly knocking us over.
     "We'd better take shelter!"  I ran for the Customs House. 
Judith's grip went limp.  "Hold on!  We'll be in the Post Office
shortly."  Water spewing in my face blinded me, yet I kept leading
her forward.  After an eternity, I pushed open the door to get inside. 
Only then did I notice I wasn't pulling her weight, for the only part
of Judith I still held was her glove.